Thursday, November 27, 2008

Mr. Astrologer

It’s that time of the year again. Once every few months I have a meeting with my astrologer. It clearly coincides with some emotional upheaval which runs parallel with the life. So this Mr. A I went to him about six months back and did not return to do the vows I had to do since he told me to change the spelling of my name.

This was round two with the same astrologer. Its usually different ones but this is the first time I am repeating the same guy. Took mom along since she loves listening to my astrological chart (since she has nothing else to do). So off we go in a morning and he waves us in. Mind you I had already seen this guy earlier he goes into a trance and predicts things, but last time around I annoyed him by not asking my questions when he is in a trance. (if u don’t understand ignore this point).

This time he decided he will explain my chart.

First thing he said was something like “you are here without a belief”.

My mum being subtle the middle name nudged me hard.

Well he told a bunch of things like change the spelling of my name and also not to talk to strangers. Stranger danger is huge problem in my life apparently. It was quite eventful with him saying loads of things and asking me to come back to do some poojava to fix things. My mum was gleeful since this is going back there again.

Mum: ask him about the mobile (this is the lost mobile of mine)

I looked at her since I don’t see this guy having some tracking machine to track down my lost mobile.

So mum asks him. Mr. A Looked quite bemused by my moms so called clever question and did the next best thing. He ignored her inquiry about the lost mobile and went on looking at my chart.

Now I am in a confused track whether to go back to him since he says people are doing some voodoo magic to me and he is going to do something back to cut it.

Do I actually go ahead with all this? Or be myself and ignore…..

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Bride Hunt Calls

My Sundays are very eventfull calling up people in india and asking them about their daughters. I 'd never have thought in my wildest dreams that i would be doing this anyways spoke to some very interesting characters with their perception of sri lanka.

I only said these words : Good morning i am calling your about so and so's horoscope from colombo

Bridal Dad 1 : Sri lanka, no no way. it wont work for us. (slams phone)

Bridal dad 2 : Sri lanka, how is the war situation there, do u have electricity. (mind u i already explained i am from colombo. after explaining whatever i knew the man was nice enough to say NO WAY)

Bridal dad 3 : Colombo we watch in the news all the time, do u guys have food to eat... ( i am not kidding here)

Bridal dad 4 : its very far away we have to discuss with our family for long time and tell u reply (long time man take your time)

Bridal Mum 5 : well we are a mix (meaning mixed caste) but not interested in sri lanka.

Bridal dad 6 : so u guys have your own house (hemm yeah dad does). So u mean to say they have enough money saved up to buy a house ( WTF is that question)

By this time i am slowly tiring myself out. I am tired of trying to sound friendly and beginning to sound desperate. It seems like i have turned it into a project where i want to finish it like a fairy tale .... and soon tooo........

The hunt continues...

Friday, November 14, 2008

Changing History!

Shopping at Arpico with mum, woman keeps smiling at me. Smile back (since i am polite)

Woman rushes over : u are the girl who use to steal my chicken sandwiches

me (WTF is she on about)

Woman : Remember in bridgets nursery....

(bloody hell i dont remember stealing sandwiches and i'd rather not be reminded since i have kids.... ARGHHHH)

Mum rushes over from the VIM counter : She was in Bridgets i remember .. and u ate chicken, u have sinned (ok mum should u not be telling me off for stealing someones food since u did not give me proper food but u are more concerned about eating meat)

woman : this is my number we have to catch up

Me ( dont think so).... fake smile ( i have also turned into one of those). Hear a whole load of crap upto union place about eating chicken. Oh if u were wondering what thats about we are vegetarian, its forbidden to eat meat. These days i have given up my five year old tendencies of stealing food. I am vegetarian instead.

Mum with steely voice : We need to talk about something

Do i have a choice here.

Mum : I have studied in Bridgets and gone to university.

(WTF again, mum went to some wierd sounding local school and dropped out of school in grade seven as far as i remember)

Me : What are u on about

Mum : U have to maintain this story now that i am getting a daughter in law.

Me : Mum are u mad? we cant make up some stories about your past and i am not playing a part no one will. Next u are going to tell me dad was in Yale uni.

Mum : Oxford

I parked the car and turned around looked at her.

Me : Dad talks about walking without slippers at the age of fifteen and tells us to be thankful that we are having too many slippers every time we meet. where the hell is oxford coming into this. U better stop this nonsense right now.

Mum trying to hard to cry and obviously the boru tears not coming threatens to tell my kids about the sandwich stealing.

Where in my adult life did bargaining with my kids go into my mums hand and i am in square one again.

I've Never

1. Gone on a hot Air baloon
2. Bungee jumping
3. Scuba Diving (must learn swimming first)
4. Gone to America... (dying to go there)
5. Attempted a tattoo (would love one)
6. Pierced my nose (waiting to do that)

Cant think of anything else for the moment... Thanks DD for making me wonder for a bit of things i have not done...

I Tag Chaar Max, Eppie (if she is back) and Bimal....

The Lost Mobile

Lost my mobile last weekend. Ten years of contacts all gone like that. Was so very upset by the loss of contacts and pictures of kids getting into the hands of a stranger. Obviously the code number to lock the mobile was not noted by me. So have learnt the lesson the hard way. Now i got a normal phone no camera nothing. Screen stares back at me with its blank contact list....

Bride Hunt Part 1

Mum Calls up from India and tells me to go meet Dad he has something for me. The simple brain of mine thought new clothes yippee... So drop in to Dad's office monday morning

Me : You got something for me dad?

Dad : Yes ( takes tamil calendar and looks at the time)

( Am i missing something as usual the conversations at times with the family is not going anywhere)

Dad : its good timing now u can make the call

Me : Call to who

Now dads taken some papers out of a bag and gives me. Horoscope!!! Of some girl. Right so i am suppose to call and talk to these people.

Dad : So call them

Me : now?

Dad : before the good times over

me : uhm what do i ask them (like my hobby is calling random people up and asking them to give their daughter in hand to the brother)

Dad looking clearly pissed and says the usual when are u going to be responsible. So i call mum up.

Mum : talk to them even the name matches i have such a good feeling about this

Me : are u sure its not odd to just call up like that

Mum : Its an April wedding, we need to get our shopping done too. hurry up

Me (well whatever the reason is with a free shopping spree thrown in, i was ready to call these people up)

Telephone rings and a man picks it up.

Me : (clearly sounding idiotic) I am calling u from blah blah its about your daughters horoscope

Man : She is married

Me : Uhm what

Man : yes she got married last month but there is a cousin.

( now i am signalling dad she is married there is a cousin, dad looks pissed and tells me to hang up)

Dad : call your mum up and tell her to stop praying that your brother gets married to the girl who is already married .

(that took me two minutes to understand right, call mum up explain siutation)

Mum : I knew it, it was not meant to be i did not like the girls surname.

Me (@()$&*(@$*(@))

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Full fit

My days of shopping for clothes are over. I am a new leaf. All this I owe to a middle age lady with a bad mouth and good smile. She just knew how to cure me from my odel, cotton collection and WI fashion days. Almost like therapy from hitting the shops. My search for one has always extended over the seas to India. Found the perfect tailor. Laugh at me all u want but I got all the blouses and shalwar kameez stitched only in India for some notion in my head that its perfectly done only there.
How wrong I was, the days lost waiting for a relative to bring the stitched dresses which are transferred from one cousin to another’s. By the time they do arrive, the style is gone. Just like the perfect hair dresser, the laundry man and the aerobics instructor (ok never mind that have not been making it to the class). The perfect tailor who makes u look great is a must.
Head on to Padmini Tailors at Orchard Building. If any of u have any other good tailors please do leave their contacts. I am done with buying ready mades for good. All these years wasted when I good have got it stitched in my unique designs. As M (best friend) put it to carry one with that “hippie child” look.