Monday, November 30, 2009

Making Mistakes!

Why is it that the human mind does not get alerted to signals of mistakes?

I have been doing the same muddle some mistakes over a period of time knowing that its not going to get me to a higher level. When the mind presses the alert button its like jumping a traffic light and going ahead anyways. Regret comes later but then its too late.

So how do we stop the mind from making mistakes. Do meditation (mind cant anyways stay at one place so that's out). Mediate (I am no Eric solheim and look where he went?). Patience(that's one character i was not born with or not going to develop in the near future). Learn from the mistakes (i think i learn and then do my own thing anyways).

I have come to the conclusion that my writing a post at least its out there in the open that I am in fact not perfect (as i have been assuming to be) and maybe someone will come out with a profound solution for my dilemma?

So whats your take on the mistakes u make ?
Do u learn or let it be.
Or are u also in a delusion like me that i am so right!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Me and my Id!

Was having coffee with some friends, I quickly took my handbag to go to the counter.

Friend : why are u carrying your bag leave it..

me : My id is in there, I hardly leave it around

Friend : The things you tamil people have to worry about.

It made me think, yes i am so very obsessed about my wallet. What if it goes missing and i lose the id. Infact, i did lose it trying to do some charity that is another story alltogether.

My obsession with the id started as soon as i got back to colombo from college. I panic if i get into a car and i dont have my wallet. If you lose your id it is a long tedious process to get another one.
Although i am disorganised with everythign else and forget stuff, when i switch hangbags like three times a week i always remember the ID.

I think if there is an alarm or fire i would grab the kids and my id, maybe my passport too.

I think its an identity crisis! So my prized possesion is an id (thats so very sad!)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Letter!

Thanks Scrumpy for the tag...

Hey there,

I know u love getting letters and beleive in ghosts. SURPRISEu this is a letter from your 33 year self. Dont throw it away, rolling your eyes since u think u will never get THAT old. And no i am not the ghost u are looking for, to give a sign that u should kill yourself.

The thought of death and suicide will come to u many a time in the coming decade. Except for the bit where u swallow some piriton tablets in your twenties and dont die, u are going to be ok.

Your family will be cuckoo as it is now, they will grow into older cuckoos in the years to come. Nope your mum and dad wont settle into a happy marriage anytime in the next few decades but they are going to be ok. Try to spend more time with your grandma.

Your best freind and you will stop talking for about 6 years. Yeap thats going to happen and dont worry u will get in touch on and off in the later years and reconnect thanks to facebook (no i wont even go into explaining what that is u will find out). U will meet M and P in college and they will be two great supports to call to in your later years.

Remember the new senior(who happens to be from your community), u do a double take and run out of maths to check out from the stairways. You will be seeing quite a bit of him in your future years. I know its so very exciting, but trust me u are in for one long parachute jump.

Dont drive the car to show off to the neighbourhood boys, u will cause "immense damage". They are not even worth it, they are losers! Concentrate on your A levels even though things are bad at home. Dont throw away the letter yet i am going to tell you about your boyfriends.

Oh yeah you heard me right. Your non existant social and love life will flourish and u will learn some lessons out of it. With all the heartbreak and tears u will be ok. In the years to come u will realise it is always better to love and lose than not loved at all.

The short time in college will be the best time of your life literally cause the years to follow will take a toll on you. The nerdy guy from your community, in college, u should give him a chance. Later in your life you will run into him and he would have turned into mr.charm and lost his nerdy self. U might hit yourself but thats not right since u will be married.

Marriage hemm what advice can i give u about that. Nothing is going to prepare u for that jump and u will fall into this big puzzle which u will try to figure out in the coming years.The period between 22 to 30 u will have temporary amnesia and become a door mat(refer dictionary). Its ok cause M n P will pull u out of it when u meet them a good decade later.

Your priorities of a big house with a swimming pool in the states might become a distant dream cause u wont be making that kind of money nor travel to the states ( or learn swimming).

you will re assess your moral values later in life and learn that you will be tolerant of anything.

Chose freinds wisely in your twenties cause u will find out that they can be big time B's in that crowd. Its all not a lost cause and strife. U will have some happy and funny moments.

Go easy on the shopping you wont have space to fit all that in your wardrobe and it will always be messy. Dont use the hair dryer to scrunch dry so much and do not chop your long hair off.

Whatever you do dont forget to be the woman you are! Smile a bit more, laugh heartily and live life.

Although the rules are only to tag two i have to tag four because my sixteen year old self would have done just that

I tag : Indyana, Lost soul, Lady Divine and Surani.

For some reason this was one of the hardest posts which made me think quite a bit. I for one wish i had a time machine and could have gone back there and given a hint. But what is life if not for all the surprises it holds...

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Tamil movie and song!

Watched aadhavan at cinecity. Cousin said its kid friendly. At the start of the movie and was wondering what the hell was she on about. Was worried since i had taken five kids on tow. Sometimes u cannot take kids to tamil movies.
With vadivelu taking over as second hero it was hilarious. My seven year old niece was up and clapping away. Kids are so cute at times. movie was so so. Can watch once.

The song of the week that i have fallen in love is this, some songs make u go down memory lane.

Malai neram in ayirathil oruvan sung by the heroine andrea... the lyrics are so beautifully written...

Halloween With the Kids!

Last Saturday while I was busy doing something meaning sleeping but pretending to read. Where u are lying on the couch with a newspaper on your face. The kids announce they want to go trick or treating.

"Its Halloween mum, we have to go trick or treating"

Quickly did a check of the neighbours around. My up stair neighbour might have entertained the kids a bit and given them the sweets. The next door aunty G cant stand kids she always starts talking a few octaves higher when she sees anyone below three feet in height!

The front house has a Tamil family who always bang the gate shut whenever they see me, or run in with their kids when i step out. And for those who were wondering I am not Godzilla's sister.

The next house down the lane has an old man who is mentally unstable. The ones before i mentioned are quite sane infact. He always pretends he is in court and when he sees me always makes it a point to shout " She is guilty my lord". Again I am not a convict.

The ones behind might just decide that the beggars are dressed strangely and chase us away.

Now i did not want to dash the spirit of the poor kids. I did not want to risk being tricked. Kids can be smart and u can get into one or two sticky situations that u cant get out of. I told them we can trick or treat with the cousins later sometime. D is smart she wanted to fix dates. I was vague, i am smart too.

Later in the evening it was pouring like crazy so told them some spooky stories. Got caught out again with them since they started writing Santa's letters. D does not believe in Santa but writes a beautifully decorated letter without fail every december. She was cheeky to tell me that Santa might be busy with his job so she is sending it off earlier.

last year mrs.claus was not happy getting a letter demanding for the latest kids gadgematic two days before christmas. Mrs. Claus who was broke due to excessive shopping and had to spend her savings yet again to keep two kids happy.

Yes its christmas next month odel has started the decor with red carpet and all. On another note facebook was full of kids dressed in cutesy outfits trick or treating and visiting pumpkin patch in states and some other countries.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The hunt continues..

The next morning we are suppose to leave to Chennai, the phone rings. Its my dad again. He advises us to leave immediately and visit another temple and get back to Chennai quickly. Since he thinks the girls father F is going to turn up and stop us leaving the town. The family has been watching too many Tamil movies.

Again the phone rings its F

F : I want to know what your brother spoke to my daughter.

Me : Uhm i think we should just drop it and we will see later

F : NO i want answers actually I came in the morning to meet your brother but ended up meeting Uncle instead
Now the brain was in high alert, this guy has turned up in the morning and i have somehow missed it. Did he come with the goons and swords or something. Am i never leaving this village oops town ever.

I rush to find my brother its like losing him in a village carnival. He was there all right with a now what look in his face.

Quickly explain that we have to leave that F is not going to take a NO. B is in better moods and laughs and says this is indeed a circus now. Then go in search of the uncle who takes ages to come out.

F had turned up and demanded to see B, luckily ended up with Uncle character. Uncle had said I think you should check if your daughter is ready for this. F had argued and anyways to put it in short version. F was not a happy man.

Now F in the past weeks had become good friends with my mum and been calling her his long lost sister and crap. Mum seemed to have got carried away too. Mum was like a rabbit caught in a headlight scene. Not her fault i mean how was she to know this but this man was trying to convince her that B did not understand Tamil and got the story wrong.

The girl could not speak much English but B can speak Tamil and she had clearly told her love story to him so there was no miscommunication going there.

On our way to another temple for an hour. F called us so many times telling its a communication error and we should fix it.

In a way now I feel sorry for the girl, because F is a nutcase and he would force marry her to someone else by January. He would do it just to prove us that he was right. Parents being too strict can also cause issues like this.

When I was small i was brainwashed into the belief that it will only be an arranged marriage i think same goes with B. With my kids it never came up but recently my ten year old has been asking me so many questions in this whole system, caste and stuff. I explained and told her when the time comes that is when she is twenty five she can find someone herself. She says she wants to get married the way we all did. I think this is a culture which gets into you as a child watching others....

Friday, November 6, 2009

AM 3

Now i cannot really call tuti a village anymore after discovering that a few bloggers are actually descendants from the city. So taking all that back in respect of them.

B comes out in about ten minutes of chatting. Yes folks thats all we get ten minutes of prime time to chat and make your decision. Actually you are lucky if u get that much cause usually they dont allow this private meetings in traditionaly indian arranged marriages.

After another few minutes of chit chat it was time to leave. So we are leaving i quickly waved to the grandma i really liked her. She seemed to have got fond of me also big smile again.

We get into the car and its just six pm quick decision to visit the world renowned murugan temple. Its a one hour drive so we are all inside the car. There is pin drop silence I am jumping up and down making frantic gestures of shall we ask him. B is safely in front with the driver. If he saw me acting like a lunatic he chose to ignore. Uncle showed the eyes to tell me to keep quite. My mum poked me. So We were quite.

Off we were in the rainy foggy roads on a one hour drive to see the gods. For some reason was having notions of me dying on the crazy road. Yes Lost soul the roads are better but the accidents are famous. While my imagination was going crazy. B turns around

B: When we get to the temple I want a promise from all of you.

Me; Promise? Mum : promise? Uncle : promise? Aunty : (Ennathuuu) Whattt?
(in tamil)
(the family is famous for repetition)

B : When her dad calls tell no, She has a boyfriend but we cant mention it.

Me : Boyfriend? Mum : boyfriend? Uncle : Boyfriend? Aunty : (ennathuuu) Whatt?

Driver : WHATTTT ???

B : driver promise u wont repeat this

Mum had recovered from the shock and bursts out crying. I was upset. Good lord we had come a long way and i was not ready to get back to colombo to give this story. I was upset for B to whom it must have been difficult. I was pissed at the girl for not telling the story earlier.

B : do you all promise

Me : No i break the blooming promise, her dads going to call us and what am i to tell him

B : tell that i dont like her simple dont tell about the love affair.

Now b is a nice guy, We are not that nice my mum was making mouthing gestures we have to tell, I had decided to tell ( yes when it concerns my sibling i can be a cow) Uncle was looking dejected. aunty was looking lost since we have to explain it all over to her again. Driver looked shocked. Wow what a story to spread in the grapevine.

The phone rings, mum takes one look at it and throws it at me. Its HIM. Thats my dad we have to give him the explanation and he bursts out laughing. I get a text from d and dh. Quickly text them its a no go.

Again the phoen rings its him the other him her dad. He goes " I want to come and fix dates since everything ok for us"

Me : We are going to temple and will be back really late so can I call u tomorrow.

He : No I am coming whatever time u are back we have to fix date now.

The man sounds mildly threatening...

Me : No we will call u afer we finish our prayers which might be very late like ten thirty so i shall call you tomorrow..

I hang up. now there is a debate going on about we should tell him the truth to B being adamant that we make a promise when we go to temple to him.

I get off near the temple and say i make a promise i wont promise u anything. I dont give a damn about a stranger that we met only for ten minutes. I realised why i was more angry. It was disrespectful to get down three elders who were her parents age to come from far away if she had someone else in her mind. Whatever her situation was for me at that point it was selfishly obvious whose side I was on.

Village Bride -2

So off we went to the house and were welcomed by the parents and old toothless grandma. I was busily signalling the grandma, poor B was confused. I did not want him to mix up that to be the bride. I meant chaperon check. So we were seated and making small talk. There is this old Indian saying that u can judge a girl by seeing her mom. The brides mum was slim and very beautiful. They must have got it wrong with me and mum since there is no resemblance going there.

Getting back to the story. The Brides dad was talking non stop. I looked at B, he was looking pained. I mean this man was droning on and on about anything and everything. Quickly scanned the living room and saw more photos of the girl. She looked nice. Kept signalling to B again. Sadly grandma was seated with the photos and B was looking confused. Grandma big toothless grin again. After a good half an hour the bride came.

She was beautiful and so innocent looking. I looked at B could see he was impressed. Looked at my mum she gave me this So proud look of i have done it,at last found her. And I was planning out the wedding in my head.

Anyways uncle asked permission if they could talk. Brides dad was all jumping up and saying yes of course let them talk in the next room. We must of course let them decide. While the girl and B were being ushered the brides father gets up and says " you should please accompany".

There I was looking at grandma and rolling my eyes to B to say chaperon coming up when i realised B was telling me to come.

Wait the lines are all wrong. They were sending me as a chaperon. What about grandma? Another toothless grin from the grandma.

Suddenly I hear a soft voice is it from my head. Nope it was the Bride.

Bride : Dad I will speak to him alone

That's settled then B and the bride are off for a chat...

The Village Bride-1 !

The long search took us to the deep village of India to see a prospective bride. Viewing of brides is strictly after horoscope match, photo viewing and checking the family references. Almost like a job but a different take altogether.

B was coming after like 20 or more years, and I was going after seven years. Village has turned into city and everything was lush and green paddy fields. Not. It was all dry zones all over and loads of wild trees which had not seen rains for months but looked like years. The minute we stepped into the long car drive it was pouring, good sign i thought.

I was only a one night stop and the bride visit was that evening. I gave my views to B that he wont be allowed to tall to her alone, they would most likely send an old grandma to chaperon.

B Looked a bit put off that he has to be chaperoned. These were all guesses mind you. I mean although India is developing and blah blah. There is a small percentage which still goes for arranged marriages inclusive of my family. I was busy doing a probability chart for B to show him what percentage would agree to this and came up with a fraction where he would be chaperoned to talk to the girl in a village. Doing fractions with a kid at home helps. I can give crazy statistics probability charts in a minute and convince people.

After giving B some wierd stories about crazy girls in the bride hunt that other cousins went to which were true stories but need a separate post and scaring him I was lost in thought.

B : U know its done i am going to say yes

Me : what ? we have not seen

B : After listening to your stories I am more scared than ever we cant be travelling all the way. I think we should wrap it up I will say yes. You have been spending too much time on this so its the End.

Poor B sounded dejected like a traveller who had walked a 100 miles uhm not really but u know what i mean.

Just before going that evening I was lost in thought, I was not really happy with this pick. Who am I to judge a person i had never met. I felt sorry for B that he was just saying yes to save us the hassle of travel.

On another note so many of my friends have been asking why cant he just find someone. B seems to be caught up in the fascination of arranged marriage and all the works. Recently I have discovered that he seems to respect our tradition and culture more that I ever did. I have also come to discover he is a better person that I am.
B also wants to make my parents happy by agreeing to have them search someone.